Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
