Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
