Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
