She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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