When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my sisters under your porch take her home
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
