I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
