those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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