Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
