I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize