onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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