The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
