Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
