i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
