I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
