why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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