shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
