Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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