i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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