weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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