i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
