thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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