it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
