Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
