If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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