I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
