Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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