I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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