His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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