I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Let's get the cat blown out
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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