I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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