Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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