Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize