the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
