And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
