either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
