well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
