My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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