Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
