His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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