Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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