It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
