first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
