I cockslap morals
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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