Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
