I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
