don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
