I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
