Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
