I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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