the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
