dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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