My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
