Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
