How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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