im drinking this country out of the recession.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
