I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize