if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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