So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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