Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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