Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
