We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
