It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
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I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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