I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
