I want to stick my p in your. b.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
