??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
