Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
