girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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