The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so let's talk penis.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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