No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
