You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
