Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
