Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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