Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
