I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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