thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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