She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
