yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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