dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
