No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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