yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You took a bar mat shot.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
