Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
