wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
