Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
do herpes really smell.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
pray to the hookup gods
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
