We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I lost the right to judge tonight
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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